Italo Calvino said: The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts.

This is someone else's house, full of someone else's ghosts

This is someone else’s house, full of someone else’s ghosts

I clicked on the Inspire Me button again, and now all I can think about is how many different ghosts of myself I’ve left places, scattering them haphazardly in the halls of where I used to live. I have theories on ghosts that are more appropriate for a different day. I also have theories about ourselves, and what we leave behind. I’ve lived in a few different houses and every time I moved, somehow I changed into someone else. The little girl who lived in the sun-scorched hills of southern California was transformed entirely by the rain-drenched foggy graylands of the Northwest where she spent the rest of her life. The girl who moved out of our first house in the northwest left behind traces of all her awkward, ungaily innocence and became someone else that lived in the glitzy, oversized luxury apartments. That girl was someone full of dreams, but weetzie bat dreams with traces of darkness that were readily discarded when we moved into the comfortable house in the suburbs that we made our own with Tetris-painted garage doors.

It makes me really sad that I never took a picture of our Tetris garage doors

It makes me really sad that I never took a picture of our Tetris garage doors

I think of all the pieces of me living in those different places and I feel nostalgic. I know that I’ve been the same person throughout, but sometimes the changes feel so radical that my brain can’t reconcile memories of who I was with who I turned into. I recall memories from only a few years ago and wonder who that person was and where she went. It’s easier, simpler, to picture the moment of stepping away from those doors was the moment my body split in half. Half of me stays behind, haunting those walls with my memories while half of me goes on to figure out how the new will mold itself around my skin and change the person I am.


2 thoughts on “Inspire Me With Ghosts

  1. Seriously, Marci. I’m not exaggerating at all when I talk about how much I love your writing. It has an ease about it that is so comfortable yet so energizing to read, if that makes any sense. If I were still on my “I want to be an agent” kick, I would promote you for sure. That is,if you wanted to be promoted. 🙂 I’ve always been the kind of person to want to help someone else reach their potential and be out in the spotlight, but it has never really been a dream of mine to be published myself.

    Anyhow, exactly what you say here is actually why I get the creeps whenever I visit any historical house, or any house over 50 years old, really. I feel the people, the events, the emotions from days gone by, and it gives me the chills. You’ve portrayed that nicely.

    Can’t wait until Friday! 🙂

    • You’re like the best friend to have, because you always make me feel so confident. If you were an agent I’d definitely put my literary life in your hands 🙂 And the second I have a finished piece worth publishing, I might!

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