the devil

work collage

Whatever feeling of self consciousness I have about taking ten million photos of myself gets eaten up by the satisfaction of seeing photos where I like the way I look. It’s a short step away from liking the way I look. The exercise is uncomfortable but worth it.

This outfit feels like the opposite of who I am, but I love it. It’s subtle and understated. The attention to the smaller details, keeping them from being overwhelmed by bigger pieces, is new to me. It’s only because of strict work requirements but it’s a good exercise. Uncomfortable, but worth it.

I was thinking about how I haven’t written a real post for this place in a while, but then I had to ask–what’s real for posts on this blog? It’s so directionless and I kind of love that. Writing has been on hold for a while as the holidays approach. Gifts this year are almost entirely handmade, which means focusing on art. And I can’t share anything until after people have their gifts. No sneak peeks allowed.

Last night I joked with David about how I’m turning twenty…five! Twenty five! It felt older than I expected, but not in a bad way. Being a little sister means I remember my sister at my current age, and it’s a little daunting. She was way more adult than I am now at this age. I remember celebrating her twenty fifth birthday–it was only two years ago, after all. It feels like catching up to her, but that’s silly.

I want this year to be a good year–the big year–the year when I take a strong step forward. I don’t want it to be so built up that I fall on my face. I’m full of big ideas for myself and it’s all a matter of knowing where the jumping off point is. Being self taught runs the risk of not knowing enough, but a lot of the time that makes it more exciting.

I want to spend the year with my favorite person, my partner, and my best friend as him and I work together towards our goals. And I don’t care how stubborn it is–I don’t want to deal with the pebbles and boulders that life is throwing in my way this week. And I want my readers to forgive me for the vagueblogging. Perhaps it’s time to dust off the old journal, isn’t it?

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2 thoughts on “the devil

  1. I’ve known you for (I believe) 4ish years now, and in that time, you’ve done an amazing amount of growing up and finding yourself (as cheesy as that sounds, it’s supposed to be a compliment). I’m so proud of how you’ve come into your own and being comfortable in your own skin. I think the ol’ quarter-of-a-century stands a good chance of being your big year. I’m excited to see what it will bring! ❤

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